Goblin Slayer, Vol. 3 Read online

  Can’t he think of anything friendlier to say?

  High Elf Archer puffed out her cheeks in annoyance, playing with her lemonade glass, now covered in condensation.

  Dwarf Shaman stroked his beard, seemingly amused by this.

  “I can’t think of a sillier use for an elf’s ears.”

  “Oh? Don’t you know anything about human culture, dwarf?” High Elf Archer gave him an unusual and confident smile, her ears standing straight up. “If you can do silly things, it shows you have enough resources to afford the luxury.”

  “Sounds to me like the excuse of someone who got so caught up in what she was doing that she forgot her purse someplace.”

  “That has nothing to do with this.”

  “This is why I hate elves! Always trying to hide their problems.”

  “Strong words when dwarves can only ever think about money!”

  And then the two friends were off again on one of their usual arguments.

  Lizard Priest watched them in pleasure, slapping his tail on the floor. He waved down a nearby waitress.

  “Excuse me, Miss Server!”

  “Yes, sir!”

  The attentive response came from a padfoot—a beast girl. Her hands, feet, and ears were those of an animal. She bustled over to him.

  “My.” Naturally, Lizard Priest’s eyes widened a bit as he recognized the girl who stood there, chuckling.

  “Pardon me, but are you not one of the Guild’s girls?”

  “Oh, yes. I’m working two jobs.” Padfoot Girl hid her smile with a tray, but couldn’t conceal her laugh. “Look around. Everyone’s so busy today, they’ll take all the help they can get.”

  “I see, I see. I’m glad this rising tide seems to be lifting your boat as well.” Lizard Priest nodded somberly, using one of his sharp claws to indicate the menu on the wall. “I request another two or three of your fried sausages. And if you could ensure the cheese is especially copious…”

  “Sure, sure. By the way, if you want, we have sausages with herbs in them, too.”

  “Ah, herbs, you say?”

  “And others with cartilage…”

  “Indeed!”

  “Plus some stuffed with cheese!”

  “Oh, my!”

  Needless to say, his eyes had never sparkled brighter.

  So lunchtime passed uneventfully.

  Goodness, goodness, goodness. My, my. Another dear visitor to our shrine.

  Yes, at the ritual for the harvest festival we will—yes, we ask for the gods’ power.

  Call God is not the highest of miracles.

  It seeks to borrow just a fragment of the gods’ power to ensure peace and a good harvest.

  Yes, so it’s the perfect opportunity for one who wishes to walk on the astral plane.

  You—go and call that girl. Yes, right. I believe she’s in town at the moment.

  In any case, I think she is quite promising.

  She is modest and pious, and able to use three miracles even though she is still just Obsidian rank.

  Thus why I requested her to lead the ritual at the festival this year.

  She is a good girl. But there’s…just a small problem…

  What? You ask of connections to the dark elves or the Demon Lord? Reincarnated shrine maidens? Secrets to her birth?

  Heavens, I think you have read altogether too much into our chat.

  She is hardly that sort of Platinum-ranked material… And anyway, isn’t her story quite common enough? If you’ll excuse my saying so.

  Regardless, I think of her like a daughter. Oh, but don’t tell anyone I said that.

  It’s just… How do I put this…?

  There is a bit of an issue with the adventurer who accompanies her…

  Does he seem suspicious? Ha-ha-ha, oh, no.

  That person would never worship the Dark Gods—of that alone I am certain.

  If he had the time for such things, he would put it to better use.

  What? You saw a strange adventurer on your way here?

  One that made you think an undead had possessed a suit of living armor?

  ………

  Oh… Goddess…

  No, not at all. He is not a bad person.

  …Now then, I believe you have heard the story from the archbishop in the water town…

  We will certainly do anything in our power to help, O brave Hero.

  Noontime on a festival day saw the plaza packed with people, giving the appearance of a living mosaic.

  The pillar that stood in the middle of the plaza in lieu of a clock tower made a natural meeting point.

  She looked somewhat plain amid the gaudily dressed men and women milling about.

  She was wearing a neat but unremarkable white blouse. She had put on culottes that were made for ease of movement above all else, and plain tights. Her hair was styled the same way as usual. But she had gotten a new ribbon to hold her braid back.

  Simple, personal clothes—this was all she had to wear into town on her day off.

  After all…

  “Ah.”

  …See?

  It was then he came, striding boldly through the crowd as though it were not there.

  There was no mistaking him, and certainly no losing him in the sea of bodies. He had his tarnished leather armor and steel helmet. His sword and shield.

  He was so utterly his usual self it was enough to make her laugh.

  So she summoned up a smile just like the one she always had. Only her clothing was different today.

  “Did you enjoy your morning?”

  “Yes,” Goblin Slayer said dispassionately, coming to a stop in front of her and giving one of his usual nods. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

  “It’s all right. I just got here myself.”

  A small lie on her part.

  She wouldn’t mention that she had been so excited she had arrived before noon.

  She coughed a little to cover her deception and continued.

  “…Hee-hee. You are a little late, though, Mr. Goblin Slayer.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Not at all, it’s fine. After all, I…”

  …like waiting.

  Then Guild Girl smiled mischievously, spun, and began to lead him away.

  Her braid, bright with its new ribbon, wagged like a tail.

  “Well, let’s go, then!”

  She knew. Even if she had dressed up, it wouldn’t have gotten his attention.

  Instead, she wanted him to see the real her, not the face she showed at work every day.

  Not Guild Girl. Just regular Girl. The way she normally was.

  Part of the reason she had dressed plainly was to declare, This is me!

  “Did you eat lunch already?”

  “No.” Goblin Slayer shook his head slowly. “Not yet.”

  “Okay, then…”

  Vwip, vwip. She turned her head so quickly you could practically hear it.

  She considered one plan after another, compared them, dismissed some, and finally chose one.

  She knew stew was one of his favorite foods—the way they’d made it in his village, of course.

  She couldn’t compete in that area. But she could take advantage of the festival day.

  “How about we walk while we eat?” she said, smiling shyly. “I know it’s not good manners, but today is special…”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “I knew you wouldn’t. Okay then, let’s get something and then have a look around…”

  She glanced up, taking in his face from below. The stained helmet. The same face she saw every day.

  “But where, I wonder?”

  “Hrm.”

  “We can go to a place you like, you know?”

  “Mm.”

  Goblin Slayer grunted once. Guild Girl smiled at him.

  Waiting didn’t bother her. Not so long as the other person was trying to respond to her, anyway.

  From the five years of their acquaintance, she understood that he
was thinking carefully.

  Then, after a moment, Goblin Slayer nodded and answered.

  “Let’s start here, then.”

  “Sure!”

  He set off at his bold pace, and she followed him like an excited puppy.

  She might have been able to get away with holding his hand so they wouldn’t get separated.

  But she knew she would never lose sight of this singular, unforgettable person.

  Guild Girl was determined to enjoy escorting him for the afternoon. She trailed after him, her smile growing ever wider.

  §

  The two of them bought candied apples from a stall selling sweets.

  It didn’t exactly pass for a full meal, but one could hardly complain about festival food.

  That was what she thought, anyway, and she couldn’t imagine him being dissatisfied with any food.

  Speaking of things I can’t imagine…

  He ate the treat easily without removing his helmet, a feat she might not otherwise have considered possible.

  “…Hee-hee.”

  “What?” His helm tilted in a quizzical expression as he broke the now bare stick in two.

  “Nothing,” Guild Girl said, shaking her head and not trying to hide her smile. “I was just wondering if there was any food you won’t eat.”

  At her question, Goblin Slayer hmmed and lapsed into thought.

  Guild Girl watched him out of the corner of her eye as she licked her apple. Mm. Sweet.

  “I suppose I would eat it if I had to,” he muttered, and she followed with a soft “Yes?”

  “But I prefer to avoid fish.”

  “Fish?”

  “They are easy enough to get if there is a river nearby, but rivers also mean parasites, and the possibility of food poisoning.” There was a pause, and then he added, “And they stink.”

  “That’s true,” she agreed with a laugh. Even smoked, dried, or salted fish had a very distinctive odor. “I understand. I’ve seen adventurers arguing about that very thing.”

  “Oh?”

  “Somebody bought preserved fish for provisions, and they got into a big fight over whether it smelled too terrible.”

  She was exaggerating a little, but he nodded and said, “I see.”

  Now, which party could it have been?

  She remembered the incident, but couldn’t quite recall their faces.

  Adventurers were generally rather unmoored and scoundrel-esque.

  Some might seem to make a home, yet if they suddenly pulled up roots one day, no one would give it a second thought. He, or she, or they, would simply go to some pleasant new town and do fine for themselves.

  It was only natural, after all.

  A fresh start offered much greater relief than facing the fact that everyone else in the party died because of their own failure to do their job. Regularly encountering all those other adventurers day in and day out, how could they help thinking about it?

  It doesn’t bear much thought…

  That person you hadn’t seen recently—was he dead?

  The one you just talked to before she left on an adventure—would you ever see her again?

  Waiting was only easy when you were absolutely sure the other person would come back.

  But if you weren’t…

  “However, it is effective in smoking out a nest.”

  He was making some serious point—he was always serious—oblivious to her thoughts.

  Guild Girl knew he wasn’t joking, yet she smiled.

  Ever since they had set out for the afternoon, he—or rather, they—had been like this.

  Each time there was a choice of directions he would scan from right to left. When they passed a sewer grate, he would stomp down on it with a clang.

  They came to the end of the main street and walked along the riverbank, where she stared up- and downstream.

  The burbling of the river, the splash of jumping fish, the boats that skirted along the water—none of it seemed to catch his attention.

  “Mmm, isn’t this lovely?”

  Guild Girl closed her eyes as the cool autumn breeze kissed her cheeks.

  Then she grabbed onto the guardrail of the bridge and leaned out as far as she could over the water.

  “You’ll fall.” To her, the brusque comment was simply evidence that he was paying attention to her.

  “I’m fine,” she said, spinning back around.

  Hands supporting her against the guardrail, she arched her back and leaned out into space.

  Her braided hair danced as the wind caught it.

  “This river must run all the way to the sea.”

  “That’s right,” he said. “It starts in the mountains.”

  “But it’s nothing like the water town. What did you think of that place?”

  “The streets were confusing,” Goblin Slayer said without emotion. “Good for defense, but troublesome when trying to go somewhere.”

  “You mean we better be careful goblins don’t get into this town, either.”

  “Yes.” Goblin Slayer nodded. “Exactly.”

  Then…

  “Oh.”

  Just for a second, Guild Girl met the eyes of a sightseer on a boat passing under the bridge.

  A lovely girl with beautiful golden hair and pale cheeks tinted a light red.

  She was not wearing her usual gold armor. Today she was sporting a navy blue dress.

  Next to her was a large man with a severe and somewhat confused expression on his face. The woman must have been Female Knight.

  “…Hee-hee.”

  The knight put a finger to her lips and glared at Guild Girl as if to demand this remain their secret. Guild Girl couldn’t help laughing at seeing the adventurer behave like any other girl at her young age.

  Yes. Yes, of course. Our secret.

  She figured everyone else was already well aware of the situation, but her lips were sealed.

  It seemed to be going well for the two of them. That was the important thing. Now then, I wonder what everyone thinks of us.

  “Say, Mr. Goblin Slayer.” She came away from the railing and tugged on his arm. “Where should we go next?”

  “Hrm…”

  With a curt throaty sound, he set off at his usual gait, Guild Girl behind him with her chest out proudly.

  Here, there—he changed directions seemingly on a whim, but he walked with such confidence that she assumed he had something in mind.

  She was enjoying the simple mystery of where they were going, what they would do there.

  He stopped several bends in the road later, where they emerged onto a busy thoroughfare.

  “Oh, this is where all the performers are, isn’t it?”

  Artists of every stripe in every costume imaginable proclaimed their artistry for all to hear.

  Passersby smiled, enjoyed the shows, clapped, and left a tip—or ignored the whole spectacle and moved along.

  A rhea musician coaxed yowls out of a cat in her arms, even while juggling a handful of balls. An enthusiastic nonsense song came out of her mouth.

  Life’s a roll of the dice

  Roll them day after day

  And it’s always snake eyes

  Someone said luck is fair

  Nothing changes til the day you die

  Laugh or cry, it’s all the same

  Snake eyes come up again today

  Oh snake eyes snake eyes!

  Show me a duodecuple tomorrow!

  Guild Girl listened to the song as they walked by, then observed her companion.

  “What’s your roll today, Mr. Goblin Slayer?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “Not yet.”

  “Hm…” Guild Girl tapped a finger thoughtfully against her lips. Uh-huh. Right.

  “You went on a date with one girl in the morning, and another in the afternoon.” She pursed her lips at the slightly uncouth sound of it. “I think your luck’s pretty good, don’t you?”

  “Is it?”

  “Uh-h
uh.”

  “Is it, now?”

  “It sure is.”

  Goblin Slayer’s throat thrummed a noncommittal hmm. It wasn’t clear if he took her point or not.

  Sheesh…

  Anyone else who acted this way would seem infuriatingly indecisive.

  But that wasn’t the kind of person he was.

  If he were some playboy adventurer, she never would have invited him out like this.

  “Sheesh…”

  She deliberately repeated her annoyance aloud, but in the furor of the crowd, it didn’t reach him.

  Goblin Slayer, for his part, surveyed the performers’ street.

  He glanced at one act where incompetent knife throwing was supposed to elicit laughter. But he lost interest immediately and moved on to the next thing.

  That next thing was a man in an overcoat.

  His entire body was covered in cloth, and he made broad, strange movements with his arms…

  “Oh…!”

  In the next instant, a tiny dragon appeared in his upturned palm.

  No sooner had Guild Girl let out a sound of amazement than the dragon was enclosed in an egg. The man covered the egg with both hands, and it grew to become a dove. The bird flew out of his hands, but his fingers sparkled and the bird turned into a cloud of blue smoke.

  The man pulled on the smoke as if on a rope, nimbly shifting it into a longsword. He held the weapon up with a flourish before inserting it into his open mouth.

  Guild Girl was more than happy to applaud his sleight of hand.

  “That’s amazing, isn’t it? I didn’t know anyone was so good at that.”

  “I see,” Goblin Slayer said, his eyes never leaving the magician.

  Guild Girl was a little confused, given that he hadn’t seemed remotely surprised by any of the tricks.

  Well, it wasn’t exactly confusion—it caught her attention in a way, piqued her curiosity.

  At work, she couldn’t have asked him too much about it.

  But happily, this was a private moment between them. She seized her chance.

  “Do you like shows like that?”

  “Yes.” Goblin Slayer nodded and pointed to the man, whose fingers were still slightly smoky. “He distracts us with his gestures, then executes his tricks.”

  “They say that’s the basics in sleight of hand.”

  “Yes. And when the audience realizes the gestures are just for show, then you make those motions the key to your next trick,” Goblin Slayer said. “It’s a psychological tactic, and good training.”